countdown

The countdown to our original due date is on. I'm feeling a little bit anxious as the date draws near. I don't know how I'm going to feel about it. I wonder if reality will hit me like a mack truck again or if I will feel ok about it. Two people I know had/have due dates around the time Maddie was due. One has had her baby. Luckily, she is only a FB friend and not a close one, so I won't have to have her daughter's life entrenched in my sadness. The other one is due more toward the first week of March. I work with her in a sense--not in my department, but still encounter her a few times a week. These two little babies will forever remind me of what Maddie should be...

I think back to last February when Ryan and I were just finding our why I wasn't able to become pregnant. The fix was started, and we were hopeful. My best friend had just had her third and last child and I had really hoped I would become pregnant when she was so our kids would be close in age. When we found out Maddie was a girl, Tara and I were both estastic. They were going to be almost a year to the day apart, but they were going to be great friends just like their moms.

Supposed to, should have been. The most unfair part of losing a child is losing all of the hope you had built up for one little soul.